Without a job since being dismissed as Luton manager 18 months ago, there were questions as to whether Newell would ever get back in Football.  After his famous outburst, Newell failed to get much backing from anybody at the FA (quell f*ckin surprise Rodders) or anybody else for that matter. Accordingly his plight has followed in the footsteps of his previous employers Luton Town.  Since Newell left the Hatters 18 months ago, they have had a meteoric nose dive through the divisions, and now find themselves rock bottom of league 2 with deficit bigger than the US Federal Reserve.  Can we blame Newell for this?  Did he blab to the FA about Luton’s business and get them seriously in hot bother with the FA?  Luton fans may have a view on this!! Let us have it.

Anyway, apart from all this we’re sure that Mr Newell is a really nice non-sexist man, who thinks woman should stay at home all day washing and cooking.

So what can Newell expect from his new team, currently 21st in league 2? One thing is for sure, the future is looking “Grim” on Humberside at the moment, the Mariners only picking up 3 points from their opening 9 games, and with -17 point deductees Rotherham now only 2 points behind them.
For once the league table does lie, and Grimsby although 21st in league 2, are currently the worst team in the country!!.  He must be crazy like a fool to take the post at Blundell Park.  Without a win all season, Newell watched from the stands during their 4-1 defeat to Rotherham.  He said afterwards he was pleased with what he saw!! Hmmmm, cant remember the last time I applauded a 4-1 defeat but, then at the same time I wouldn’t moan to the press about the state of Football.

Ignoring all of the above there must, surely, be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel for Newell in his new job. Erm…;

* His ex employees Luton Town are one below them in the league…granted they are only one of only 3 teams that are.
* Grimsby could finish this season with approximately 30 points and still avoid relegation due to Luton and Bournemouth’s woes (meaning he could be a total failure and still keep them up!!)
* Paul Ince started with Macclesfield in an impossible position and kept them in the league, so proof it can be done
* They’re still in the Johnstone Paint trophy!

and that’s about it!

Mike Newell good luck sir. You’ll need it!

“I wash myself with a rag on a stick”

27 year old Chadwick, who also had a spell with Stoke City, shot to fame at the turn of the century, not for his footballing skills but his good looks and charm.  Also known as ‘ratty’, ‘you spotty freak’ and ‘Puss boy’ to fellow professionals, Chadwick is one of a growing trend  of fellow MUFC youth players of his generation to fail on the big stage. Point being that although  Fergie found and nurtured the likes of Beckham, Giggs, Scholes, The Nevilles et al, if you dig deeper into his archive and examine the flops pushed out the back door, their famous youth system aint that great!!

Here is a list of other teenage prodigys turned failures;

Chris Casper. 2 apps 0 gls. When spells at Bournemouth, Swindon and Reading (when they were gash) failed, he retired at 24.  Failed as manager of Bury, now Bradford youth team manager.

Simon Davies. 11 apps 0 gls.  1 cap for the worst Welsh national team in history!!  After failing as Ryan Giggs back up, spells at Exeter, Huddersfield, Luton, Macclesfield, Rochdale and various Welsh clubs kept the bank balance breaking even.  He now manages Chester City

Ronnie ‘I’ll deck the shit out of any Belgian referee you show me’ Wallwork. 19 apps and England U20 honours.  After having his lifetime Football ban reduced Wallwork played for Carlisle, Stockport, West Brom, Bradford, Barnsley, Huddersfield.  He now plies his trade in the wrong end of the Fizzy pop premier for Sheff Weds.  We’re mentioning no names, Danny Higginbottom, but unfortunately Wallworks partner in crime in the massacre of Liege plays in the top flight to this day

John Curtis. 13 apps 0 gls, England B honours.  One of the better ones, although he is only a right back.  Curits travelled the length and breadth of the country stopping off at Barnsley, Sheff Weds, Leicester, Portsmouth, Preston, Forest and QPR on the way.  Last I heard he was having a trial at the poorer of the 2 Nottingham clubs, Notts Co.

Michael Clegg. 9apps. 0gls. Retired in 2004 at age 27 having played for Ipswich, Wigan (when they were gash) and Oldham

Mark Wilson. 3apps 0gls.  This guys CV is interesting!!  Wrexham (with league status), Middlesbrough (only cos McClaren rated him), Stoke, Swansea, Sheff Wed, Doncaster, Scotland, USA and Doncaster again.

Danny Webber. 0apps 0gls.  After failing to impress Fergie, he has played for Port Vale, Watford and currently Sheff Utd.

Daniel Nardiello. 0apps. 0gls.  The Italian sounding Welshman, has had spells around the leagues at Swansea, Barnsley, QPR and now Blackpool.  Good signing on champ man if you are a club in the bottom half of league 1.

Bojan Djordjic. 2apps. 0gls. Sweden U21 honours.  This guy was the next big thing on Champ man, but he failed at Sheff Wed, in Denmark, Serbia, Scotland, and in Plymouth. He now plays in Sweden.

Paul Tierney. 0apps 0gls.  Having failed, he was shipped to the Non League via Crewe, Colchester, Bradford, Scotland, Blackpool and Stockport.  Now playing for Man United’s nearest neighbours and just two stops away on the tram, Altrincham.

Mark Lynch. 0apps. 0gls  Who?????  Sunderland, Hull, Yoevil and Rotherham.  Enough said

Darren ‘beats his mum, wife, your mum, your wife, anybodys wife or mum’ Ferguson. 27apps. 0gls. Scotland U21 honours.  Yes he played Football too!!  Signed by his Dad, failed and ended up in the lower leagues with Wolves and Wrexham, with whom he later went on to manage before leaving for Posh last year.

That was the real youth set up.

So next time somebody says “Beckham, Giggs, Scholes, Butt, Neville etc (by the way, ask them to point out who else exactly there is, as they always stop at etc) just remember Casper, Davies, Wallwork, Curtis, Clegg etc etc…

James Milner, Wayne Rooney, Jermaine Pennant look away now!  At 15 years and 45 days schoolboy Reuben Noble-Lazarus (unpaid to play because he is too young) made his debut in 6 fulfilling minutes at Portman Road.

Man United’s midfielder Anderson……or is it?

Now in trying to ignore that his name is probably more suited to the Chronicles of Naarnia, and that there is a striking puppy fat resemblance to Brazilian midfielder Anderson of MUFC, I had to reflect on what an average 15year old does?  Having just completed my sats, i’m not sure my parents would let me stay up until 9.30 playing football on a tuesday night?!  Taking into account the trip from Ipswich to Barnsley – then Huddersfield where he lives, you’d have to be looking at a 3am bed-time, unless of course he had his quilt for the journey home!!

It also got us thinking of the things in the footballing world that he will be unaware of, owing to the fact he was born in 1993! So, Reubun, here’s a few things you should know. Pay attention because a test will follow;

1-Graham Taylor is not the former manager of the celebrities on ITV’s Soccer Aid.  He was, make sure you’re sitting down, once England manager!! Watford and Villa fans will also back us up here when we say he was actually once considered quite successful!

2- Your dad isn’t pulling your leg; Keith Curle, Tony Dorigo and Carlton Palmer did all once line up in the same England team.

3- Leeds really did win the ‘Premiership’ (when it was called division 1-see point 5) in 1991.

4- Oxford won the league cup in 1987! No really. Yes that’s right, the same Oxford that are 18th in the Blue Square Premier.

5- Despite what Manchester United fans tell you, football was not invented by Sky and did therefore exist before 1992.  When they tell you they are ‘the most succesful side in Premiership history’ they are conveniently forgetting about 110 years of history when, for about 5 years aside in the late 60′s, they weren’t very good.

Anyway, the Fizzy Pop team congratulate you Reuben!! May your record be long and prosperous.  Oh, and of course, you are welcome to come join the fizzy pop game anytime you like!

By the way the previous record, held jointly by Ken Roberts (Wrexham) and Albert Geldard (Bristol Rovers) was well and truly booted off the park and over the away stand into the river Orwell by a massive 113 days!

What is he going to do about it? Well not much but he has adopted the “Keep the Faith” motto Leicester City used in their successful 2003-2004 relegation season. The Fizzy Pop Team hope Derby can stay up so that the big East Midlands 3 can all resume their old rivalries in the Championship next season, provided Leicester keep up their assault on League 1.

Jewell “Calm down calm down”

The Fizzy Pop League this week saw 32 goals scored, with a fair chunk of that total coming in Posh’s 5-4 win over the Gas. Dan streaked to a 1 point lead over Russ while Bailes lost ground on the big 2. Mike clearly needs to use those Omani oil contacts to secure some much needed foreign investment and revamp his squad. Otherwise he is in danger of slipping to the bottom as Marv begins to gain ground.

Birmingham and Wolves have nestled themselves in at the top of the Championship, along with surprise
package Preston. Derby are picking up where they left off last season and have got themselves nicely settled in propping up the rest of the teams.  They’ll be relishing next season’s East Midlands derby with Leicester in League 1 next year already.

In Fizzy Pop terms, this league has proven to be the easiest to predict.

Leicester Oldham and Carlisle find themselves in the driving seat in league 1, with Leicester’s mean defence helping them secure top spot.  Huddersfield prop up the league,m despite being many people’s tip for an playoff spot this season.  The usual suspects of Cheltenham Crewe and Hereford are keeping them company in the Drop Zone (no not the Wesley Snipes film)

Those nice people at the FA might a right mockery of our League 2 season preview dishing out points deductions like bullets and pistols during the fall of Berlin.  Does Brian Barwick have a secret underground bunker? He should have.

We said that Luton would stay up if they could get enough points to put them in what would have been 7^th place.  At the moment they’ve managed 7 points from 4 games, which would have them in 10^th place so still some work to do for them yet. 

Bournemouth started on minus 17 points, so need 62 points in reality to stay up. Having managed 2 from their first 4 games, they should be worried.  Rotherham also started on minus 17, but have managed 10 so far from their 4 games and would therefore be top of the league.

Bournemouth could be saved by Maccelsfield.  4 games, 4 defeats, 14 goals conceded and none scored.  Just remember that next time you are moaning about your club.  Barnet are also yet to get off the mark, yet find themselves in the giddy heights of 20^th.  The mind boggles.

In Fizzy Pop news Russell took top spot on first week and has yet to look back.  However, he was outscored by old foe Daniel and the man people are tipping to break the monopoly of the ‘Big Two’ Daniel Bailes, in gameweek 4, so don’t go counting your chickens just yet Mr Dowling.

We’ll spare Marvin any criticism for now, owing to the fact he is the new kid, but Mike Portsmouth Football Club Barrett should hang his head in shame at his poor showing so far this season.  He needs to buck his ideas up, fast!

No ridiculous on-again-off again-on-again-off again-on-again-off again-on-again-off again transfer sagas, no players demanding £150,000 a week  and threatening to go to Real Madrid/Inter Milan if they don’t get it, no phony badge kissing in friendlies against Real Madrid….just count yourself fortunate you don’t support Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester United or even Aston Villa.

BUT if you do support a league 2 team, that’s not to say it hasn’t been an eventful summer;

Aldershot won the Vauxhall conference by some distance last year.  Teams that come up from the conference never get relegated, and often get promoted, if not at the first time of asking then the 2nd.  With the amount of goals they score, Aldershot should be looking at a top half finish.  They could do even better, but it all depends how the sale of key man Joel grant to Crewe affects their performances.

Fellow new boys Exeter have signed Marcus Stewart.  Yes, that Marcus Stewart, top scorer in the Premiership in 2001.  They play some good football and with a catchment area the size of Wales, should fair ok as well.

Bradford are many people’s tip for the title having spent by the barrel load this summer.  However, a lot of that investment is merely replacing the 20 or so players that were sold or not retained the previous summer, so they will still do well to win the league.  They should be hard to beat at home though; not many clubs in any division, let alone this one, can regularly get attendances above 15000.  In the absence of a more likely alternative and with the strong 2nd half of the season they had last year, they are rightly favourites to go up as champions, especially when you consider that their new singing, Michael Boulding, scored 22 goals in this division last season, for a team that was relegated, Mansfield.

Surely, they say at Spotdale, surely this is our year.  The last time Rochdale played in a division other than this one, Nixon was still president.  They finished the season strongly last year and came close to breaking their jinx in the playoffs.  Will the weight of the expectations of (I would say town, but it’s more of an administrative district of greater Manchester) the fans crush them yet again? they should be there or thereabouts, owing to the size of their squad.

Wycombe should go well, with Super Scott Mcgleish still banging in the goals at the ripe old age of 137.  With canny Peter Taylor in charge and mean defence, expect the most boring team in the country to be challenging for an automatic promotion spot come May.

Darlingtonreached the playoffs last year, and should do the same again, and Lincoln reach the playoffs every season and lose, so expect them to be thereabouts as well.

Over the past 5 seasons, in order to not be relegated from this division, you have needed an average of 45 points.  Luton start this season on minus 30, owing to their ‘bad behaviour.’  So, to stay up they may need to get 75 points this season, which is usually what you need just to reach the playoffs.  Can they do it?  Don’t be so silly.

Who will take the other relegation spot? Maccesfield town are usually there or thereabouts, and this season should be no different with their ‘streamline’ squad and Dagenham and Redbridge haven’t shown any signs of kicking on following their season of ‘adjustment’ so could struggle to.

Have I missed out your club? That will be because they will finish ‘mid table’ which we all know means 8th-18th in this division.

Agree or disagree? Let us know.

Leicester City fell into the third tier of English football for the first time in their 124 year history leaving Foxes fans distraught. Gary Lineker reportedly cancelled a round of golf on Monday and David Attenborough lost his temper with a Panda bear during filming in China. The bear, which was wearing Derby County colours and taunted Attenborough repeatedly, will make a full recovery. Leicester were 1 of only 9 clubs, including Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal, never to have played half their league games at stadiums little better than school playing fields.

Villain of the Season 2008

Predictably this seasons villain is Milan Mandaric. Speaking in the Times on Tuesday Mandaric was genuinely at a loss as to Leicester’s demise. “I have supported my managers and players all season” he claimed. Managers being the key word, Leicester have had 6 in the year Milan has been in charge. Ian Holloway will probably get sacked making that 7. Even if Holloway isn’t the right man to turn Leicester into a successful Divison 1 side he can get them out the graveyard that is Division 2.  

“Get me Bryan Robson”

Hero of the Season 2008

They may play football like Bolton Wanderers but Stoke City have actually won games this season. So many games in fact they return to the top flight of English football for the first time since 1985 as runners up to West Brom. Nick Hancock said “We have had 2nd spot locked down for some time and the boys played their accelerator at the right time. It was some duel with Hull and Bristol City”.

Hancock denies involvement in Stoke beach flytipping  

Asda MK are champions.
Peterborough have finished 2nd.
Hereford are also up in 3rd.

Stockport Rochdale Chesterfield and Wycombe are in the playoffs.

Mansfield and Wrexham have been relegated.

Easy.

Nice and easy again:

Promotion

Swansea are up and will be champions when the FA pull their finger out and give Leeds back the 5 points they deserve.

Doncaster will be promoted if they can win away to Cheltenham (see below)

A draw will only be enough for Doncaster if Carlisle fail to beat in form Bournmouth (see below) AND Notts Forest do not win at home to Yeovil.

If Doncaster lose, they will only be promoted if Forest lose and Carlisle fail to win.

Fizzy Pop Prediction – Forest have 3 points nailed on against a woeful Yeovil side, where as Doncaster face a tricky trip to Whaddon Road, where Cheltenham have a semi decent record.  We say that it will be a draw for Donny meaning Forest sneak in through the back door.

Playoffs

Southend and Leeds already have their places in the bag.

Relegation

Just the 4 teams involved in the ‘dogfight’ in this league.

Gillingham will be relegated unless they win at Leeds.  They would still be relegated with a win if Bournmouth were to win against Carlisle and Cheltenham were to at least draw with Doncaster

Bournmouth will be relegated if they lose.  A draw will keep them up, but only if Cheltenham lose to Doncaster.  If Bournmouth win they will stay up if Cheltenham fail to beat Doncaster.  Bournmouthwill also stay up if they win and Cheltenham win if Crewe lose at home to Oldham.

Fizzy Pop Prediction – Gillingham are gone, and it would be no surprise to see a team that play in red join them.

So, each day this week, we shall be taking a look at each division’s respective promotion and relegation situations approaching what sky would call ‘Judgement Day’ if they gave two hoots about the Football League, starting with;

THE CHAMPIONSHIP

It really is quite simple:

Promotion

West Brom will be promoted unless they lose 36-0 to QPR and Hull win by a similar margin.
Stoke will also exit the Football League should they manage a point against relegation threatened Leicester (see below) or if Hull fail to beat Ipswich at Portman Road.  Fizzy Pop Prediction – Its WBA and Stoke for the dizzy heights of the Premiership.

Playoffs

Bristol City are already there.
A draw is enough for Watford who travel to Blackpool, unless Wolves beat Plymouth by 3 goals and Crystal Palace beat Burnley.
Ipswich and Sheff United can only make it if they win and Palace, Watford and Wolves all fail to win.
Fizzy Pop Prediction – Watford snatch a late point to hang on to their place and join Palace in the race for the most expensive prize in football.

Relegation

Are you sitting down? Good…

Southampton will be relegated unless they manage at least a point at home to Sheffield United. 

If they do manage to draw, then Leicester will be relegated unless they can manage at least a point away to Stoke (see above)

If Southampton were to win, then I fear Geoff Stelling’s head may explode trying to explain who can go down and how.  Leicester will still need to at least draw with Stoke to save their own bacon.  However, a draw would not be enough should Sheffield Wednesday manage to get any points from their home game with Norwich.

In the event of both Southampton and Leicester winning, Sheffield Wednesday will be relegated unless they beat Norwich.  In these circumstances, Coventry City (remember them? Peter Ndlovu n all that) will be relegated unless they can manage a draw or better away to Charlton.  This would relegate Blackpool, unless they can draw with Watford, which would put us back where we started with Southampton being relegated.

Fizzy Pop Prediction – A headache.